Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
