would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
