Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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