I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
