and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
