Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You made out with two different species that night
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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