Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
