well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
