I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
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