About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
