dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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