Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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