I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
