I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize