She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
