can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
