i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I love having hate sex.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
