I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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