I'm lost and stupid without you.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
