Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
