Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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