blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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