i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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