some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
