I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i will never coherently bang her
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
