You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
