You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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