So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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