He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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