Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
