dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
