i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
