Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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