im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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