If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We got so high we made milksteak
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
