I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
