Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize