now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
