Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
