where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
