covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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