his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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