he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
