Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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