i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
