New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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