I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
