This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
