my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
