How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
