since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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