Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
