He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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