Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize