I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
