If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
