she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
