i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
