I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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