Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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