do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
