Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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