it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
