There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
