So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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